Category Archives: MentalMasturbation

Save the Beagles

I read this horrible story about the UK allowing a facility for egregious experiments on Beagles, including forced smoking of cigarettes!  A more recent story indicated the facility had been denied the right to operate by the local council only for it ultimately to be given the go-ahead by central government officials.

My beautiful friends, which are some of the most intelligent and friendly dogs to Human Beings, will be locked in stocks and forced to inhale smoke to test an allegedly ‘safe’ cigarette.

In another experiment, researchers cut holes in the throats of Beagles and forced them to breathe concentrated cigarette smoke for an entire year.

Hey, I thought Beagles were among “man’s best friend”…I prefer Human Beings’ best friend, but you get the point.

Would you allow your best friend to suffer this sort of torture?

Please write to your UK government representative and save the Beagles.

I am Buddy, and I stand up for all Beagle Kind!!!

WC Fields

Born in 1880 (wow, a long time ago), WC Fields made 40 films during his 30 year career. He was considered one of the best comedians of the 20th century.

I thought a few of his quotes might make you smile.

“I spent 50% of my money on alcohol, women & gambling. The other half I wasted”

“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”

“It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.”

“I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.”

Battle Hymn of The Donald

May the President of the USA have a “battle hymn”?  Why not? Countries, sports teams, cheerleaders, gamers, mathletes, you name it…they all have their battle hymns.  Surely even only a contender to the top seat of the USA – arguably global – government is entitled to his (or her) own song.

As an ABC, i.e. American Born Chinese who no longer is American, I have enjoyed the rapid, wild and unexpected ascendance of The Donald @realDonaldTrump to the lofty heights of Presumptive GOP Presidential Nominee.  You may not like him – most people in and outside the USA do not – but you have to “respect” his willingness to say what he thinks regardless of whether or not he really has given the particular subject much or any thought.

As I watched The Donald bash the “sleazy” journalists (perhaps a generalisation, but often appropriate) regarding his donations to veterans’ groups, I started humming the Charley Daniel’s Band oldie but goodie “In America”.

Check it out on iTunes: In America – Charlie Daniels

The Donald argues the USA is getting beat, losing all the time and no longer is “great”.  Flip to the first verse of “In America”, where Charley – perhaps foreseeing The Donald – sets the scene:

“Well the eagle’s been flying slow and the flag’s been flying low
And a lot of people’s saying that America’s fixing to fall
But speaking just for me and some people from Tennessee
We got a thing or two to tell you all.”

Charley continues, in similar fashion to The Donald (of course The Donald does not limit his anger to the Russians), is quick to point out to anyone and everyone, including God:

“This lady may have stumbled but she ain’t never fell
And if the Russians don’t believe that they can all go straight to hell
We’re gonna put her feet back on the path of the righteousness
And then God bless America again.”

More importantly, Charley sallies forth with the strength of a unifying force as he points out that all families have their little internal issues, but Americans will pull together to smack hard any “outside people”.  Some say The Donald is divisive.  I think he is a unifier just as long as you are not a member of a class he deems “outside people”.  Just read Charley’s message and think of The Donald onstage with a Pittsburg Steeler – more likely New York Jets – fan:

“From the sound up in Long Island out to San Francisco Bay
And every thing that’s in between them is our home
And we may have done a little bit of fighting amongst ourselves
But you outside people best leave us alone

‘Cause we’ll all stick together and you can take that to the bank
That’s the cowboys and the hippies and the rebels and the yanks
You just go and lay your head on a Pittsburgh Steeler fan
And I think you’re gonna finally understand.”

I get chills down my spine when I think of The Donald ending a stump speech with Charley’s chorus:

“And you never did think that it ever would happen again
In America, did you?
You never did think that we’d ever get together again
Well we damn sure fooled you
We’re walking real proud and we’re talking real loud again
In America, you never did think that it ever would happen again”

Well, I guess i did think it would happen again…perhaps the reason I renounced USA citizenship.  God Bless America…and everyone else be damned…after all, the Brits, French, Germans, Russians, Mexicans, Chinese and all the other “outside people” do not get to vote so who cares what they think!?

The Heartland of the USA…is unhealthy!

New York

I read about the politicians prancing about the Iowa State Fair trying to buy votes from electors in a tiny state most Yanks never visit, but for some unusual reason is so important to Presidential elections.I thought the food being scarfed down by the attendees was intriguing:

*  fried apple pie
*  corn dogs
*  deep-fried nachos
*  pork chops on a stick
–  bacon-wrapped rib on a stick and 

–  32-ounce Miller Lite (why bother with “Lite”?).

Even Beagles know putting that sort of stuff in your system is simply begging for heart disease, diabetes and high cholesterol…among other luvly ailments.

I guess it is tough being addicted to fat…I am hopeful Big Pharma will continue to develop drugs Yanks can take to ensure they can eat like, well, pigs, be unhealthy and get to see their grandkids graduate from university.

This Beagle ain’t perfect, but has decided to be a little healthier…it is not that hard to eat yummy food without devastating your system!

About Buddy’s Universe

Kurt Vonnegut was a pretty cool dude

My Daddy was reading an article the other day about Kurt Vonnegut, who wrote some great books like Slaughterhouse-Five, Breakfast of Champions and Cat’s Cradle.  Daddy said Vonnegut was a pretty cool dude…so it must be true.  He apparently was outspokenness about both political and moral issues, and he advocated one simple rule in life – “…you’ve gotta be kind”.

Daddy told me a story about Vonnegut’s thoughts when his wife asked him why he didn’t order envelopes in bulk online.  Vonnegut, who I guess wrote a lot of letters (I am too young for letters and rely on Pee Mail) said:

“I pretend not to hear her. And go out to get an envelope because I’m going to have a hell of a good time in the process of buying one envelope. I meet a lot of people. And, see some great looking babes. And a fire engine goes by. And I give them the thumbs up … The moral of the story is, is we’re here on Earth to fart around.”

Oh, yeah, baby, I like how he rolled.  I fart around 365/24…after all, it is Buddy’s Universe!!!

Lucky Yanks

Things allowed in USA, but banned in other countries…those lucky Yanks!
1. Baby walkers
Canada banned baby walkers in 2004 after the devices designed to help babies to learn how to walk were found to endanger babies and delay motor and mental development. Possession or selling of a baby walker can result in fines of up to US$100,000 or six months in jail.  Seriously!?  Poor babies in Canada falling down all over the place…the old fashion way…even Beagles learn to walk without devices!
2. Ketchup in school cafeterias
In 2011, France banned ketchup from school cafeterias in order to preserve French cuisine. The only exception is ketchup on French or Freedom fries…as some Yanks starting calling them.  A bit of sanity…after all, fries without ketchup is like life without dog biscuits!
3. Haircuts
In the USA and most other countries, you can sport any hairstyle you wish to impose upon society.  Well, in 2010, the Ministry of Culture in Iran banned several “decadent” Western men’s hairstyles, including the mullet, spikes, and ponytails.  I wonder if a USA Marina military buzz cut would be permitted?  I wanted to go for the Top Gun look, but Mummy said no way!!!
Buddy's Universe
Lucky Yanks
 4. Spanking
Corporal punishment is still allowed in 19 states in the USA.  In some countries, parents are prohibited from spanking their kids.  Sweden was the first to ban the belt and paddle in 1979.  Now moms and dads in 46 countries rely solely on “time-out” or other forms of passive discipline.  Daddy says “spare the rod, spoil the Beagle”.  Although I often am the unfortunate recipient of Daddy’s philosophy and want to move to Sweden, I have to confess I think parents should be allowed to smack their kids as and when they deem necessary.  I think plenty of other laws can ensure inappropriate smacking is curtailed.  A teacher or administrator smacking a student?  No chance…this Beagle would put up his paws and say “bring it, chump”.
5. Chewing gum
Singapore outlawed the importation and sale of bubble gum and other dangerous such chews in 1992.  The ban was modified in 2004 when locals could get a prescription for gum – sugar free, of course.  Those Singies are too much fun…I do not chew gum because Mummy says it is bad for me…I wonder if she is from Singapore?
6. Weird baby names
Denmark, New Zealand, Sweden, and many other countries have laws prohibiting parents from giving their kids weird names. In Denmark, you have to choose one of 7,000 government-approved names or obtain church approval.  New Zealand and Sweden also have lists of banned baby names.  Oddly, the names “V8” and “Superman,” respectively, weren’t allowed, but “Violence” and “Google” were.  I live in Hong Kong where kids choose their non-Chinese names and, well, come up with some funny ones.  I like Winky for girls because boys can say “I will show you my Winky if you show me yours”…oh my!

Drinking laws in USA…seriously, folks!?

The USA is an odd “country” where there are 50 states and the District of Columbia that, to a certain degree, are “countries”.  They have their own military, write their own laws, have their on legislature and even a governor, who is kinda sorta like the president.
Let’s get back to the law stuff especially in relation to alcohol.  I think Human Beings are a little silly about such matters.  OkeyDokey, driving while drinking or intoxicated is flat-out stupid and disrespectful of other Human Beings…and even Beagles!
However, some of the more specific laws in various states are, well, just dumb!
1.  Did you know that it is illegal to sip The Noble Grape before 12 Noon on Sunday in New York City?  Equally, if you are seeking to have “one for the road”, the bar tender will cut you off at 9pm that same day.
2.  Did you know a small city in New Hampshire – a really small state – outlaws sipping alcohol in cemeteries?  I think that makes sense…after all, the residents of the cemeteries have been denied the pleasure so why not guests!?
3.  Did you know in Utah that the bar tenders cannot make your drink in front of you?  Apparently, the law is to protect minors from seeing the creation of the evil elixir.  Hmmm…if it is not coming directly out of a bottle with a cork/cap, then I definitely want to see what the bar tender is putting in my glass…seriously!?
4.  Did you know that the great state of Ohio prohibits using Santa Claus in ads for alcohol?  What is round at the ends and hi in the middle?  Yup, OHIO…and silly during the holidays!
5.  Did you know in a small town in Pennsylvania that a man cannot buy alcohol without the written consent of his wife?  Well, I know Mummy would have no problem with that law…Daddy?  Not so sure.  After all, he always calls Mummy “She Who Must Be Obeyed”.
I think there are, and I will continue to discover, many more examples of why Human Beings need guidance from Buddy The Beagle!!!